The scale is going in the wrong direction. I've gained a total of 20 pounds back since May 5th. The 25 pounds that I struggled to lose is creeping back. Actually, creeping back isn't the right right word. Twenty pounds in two months is quite a rapid increase. I have seen a couple days where my weight dropped, but the overall direction is up.
I have been reporting deficits, but I have not been exercising. There have been a million excuses -- vacation, shopping for motorcycle, my knee injury, a spring packed with family obligations. Really, none of them are valid. Even with the knee injury, I could have gotten in some exercise.
I have been recording my food. I have been wearing my BodyMedia armband again. I have not been controling my intake. For the most part, I have been eating whatever I want.
I feel so digusted with myself. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Confused about what I really want. Tortured. Weak.
Eating too much is causing all of it. On the surface it sounds like such a silly and simple thing. It kills me that I have this isse. Me. Strong, smart, self-reliant, independent me. How can this be??
Give up? Wipe away my guilt? Move on? Re-evaluate? Make a new plan and starve myself with some freaky new plan?
BodyMedia FIT data for July 13, 2011
Calories Burned - 2906 | Calories Consumed - 2557 | Total Activity - 1:18 | Moderate Activity - 1:18 | Vigorous Activity - 0:00 | Steps Taken - 8000 | Sleep Duration - 6:18 | Lying Down - 7:55 | Sleep Efficiency - 80%.
As I read this I thought of that old saying about treating yourself like you'd treat a friend. Would you tell a friend that you're disgusted with her? That she's weak and should be ashamed? Nah. You'd tell her to focus on the positive. You'd point out the things she's doing right and encourage her to work on the things she's doing wrong. You'd tell her that every day is a new day and a new opportunity to do it better. "Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts." (Winston Churchill)
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