Saturday, July 2, 2011

I have decided to not wear my armband because it's chafing my arm, causing a rash and making a permanent bruise. I will be recording my food on the BodyMedia site because I like how it's set up and I've become used to it. I may search for another tool, but for now, I'll be using BoduMedia's site. I'll also be reporting my progress on this blog.

I am rethinking my goals in regard to my weight loss, exercise and overall health. Something's not working for me, but I'm not quite sure what.

Let's begin with what I know. I know that I would like to lose weight. I'm not sure if my reason is really the RIGHT reason, though. Maybe that's the problem. If you asked why I wanted to lose weight, I would say (honestly) so that I could look better. Is that REALLY a good reason??? Why do I want to look better? So others can appreciate me more? So that I fit a standard of societal beauty? Do I really care about that? If I REALLY did, then the reason would motivate me to lose weight. I think I may be on to something here ...

I also know that losing weight would improve my health and my quality of life. I would live longer (probably) and I would be able enjoy the physical aspects of life more. This seems more like a reason that I could "get behind."

I also know that I am a food addict. I am. I have an addictive personality. I have given up cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, risky behaviors. With each "giving up," I have turned more and more to food. It's really all I have left to induldge in, as far an addiction goes. I've given up the "bad" things and that's great, but I haven't really addressed my addictive personality. Food addiction is cheap, not illegal, won't cause immediate death, and people don't seem to mind if I eat too much at a social gathering (unlike alcohol, for example). There's lots of evidence to support the idea that people's bodies become phycially addicted to high-fat and high-sugar foods. So, it's not mental, it's physical, too.

What else do I know? I know that I often feel that I am living a "shadow of my desired life." Food offers comfort when I start feeling like I am not "being all I can be."

That's a lot for me to think about today.

We are going to friend's for and overnight and will be back Sunday evening.

More on this topic later ...