Monday, May 2, 2011

Yesterday was a typical day for me -- good steps, reasonable activity level, poor sleep, and too much food.

Patterns, patterns, patterns ...

Today I have an interview for a different position. I'm excited about the possibility of a different job, but nervous about the interview. I feel prepared. My resume looks good, I think my cover letter is good, and my new suit is nice. I should do fine.

A new job might be just what I need. Something more in the public eye might help me in regard to my body image. Maybe if more people saw me on a daily basis, I would become more motivated to look better. I know that I "shouldn't" be motivated by what people think about how my body looks, but honestly, I am. It matters to me what people think.

In September 2010, I was really struggling with my body image. I hated the way I looked. I avoided going anywhere, and made up excuses to not go out. It got so bad that I started worrying about myself. We went camping in September, I spent one day crying and telling Michael about how I felt. He suggested that I go talk to a therapist. I did.

The therapist suggested that I allow some pictures of myself to be posted on facebook. He felt the first step was acknowledging my present self and to stop hiding. So, at my in-laws 50th wedding anniversay party, I had some pictures taken and used those. I weighed 260. In October, I bought the BodyMedia armband and started using it. Sometime after that, Tracy started this blog and I started posting.

I was still working at home and still barely left the house. Going out was big deal. I didn't have any clothes to wear, and I felt awful about the way I looked. I wore sweats and jammies most of the time. I started walking and cutting back. I started losing weight.

In February, I decided to give up working at home and went to the call center. It was a big change for me. I'd been at home for 1 1/2 years. Having to get dressed (even though the dress code at the center is basically no-existent) and presentable every day made a difference in the way I felt about myself. I felt a renewed desire to lose weight and improve my image.

I think that a new position may give me the same sort of boost. I would have to dress up for work. No jeans and sweatshirts, no t-shirts, no polos.

I feel like I've been in cave too long. The past couple years have been hard for me. I haven't felt good about myself. I have felt embarassed about my body.

Even if I don't get offered the job, I need to make more of an effort to present myself in ways that make me feel attractive. I also need to do things that I know will make my body more attractive AND more healthy. When I'm moving in the right direction, I feel better. Just trying makes a world of difference!


BodyMedia FIT data for May 1, 2011
Calories Burned - 2553 | Calories Consumed - 2152 | Total Activity - 0:38 | Moderate Activity - 0:38 | Vigorous Activity - 0:00 | Steps Taken - 10110 | Sleep Duration - 5:42 | Lying Down - 7:31 | Sleep Efficiency - 76%.